If this had ever happened before, you probably would’ve made some funny or witty remark, but it all suddenly hits you. This is a friend, who is saying the exact same things you were thinking about a year or so ago, and they could possibly be going through similar emotions, or even worse which brings sadness into your eyes. That pain you once felt when you wanted to run and hide, it’s coming back to you, and somehow it’s even worse because not only is it the same hurt as before, it’s that, plus more. Plus caring about it.

When it happens to you, you don’t give a damn about it because you don’t give a damn about you, you don’t care for you and when somebody tells you they do you don’t believe it. You think you’re selfish for thinking this way, you want to return to how things were, but they never can do and you suddenly stop caring about it all. The wish, for not your life to end, but for the pain to stop. All these memories, but for someone whom you love. Someone who means so much to you, and they could be having less or more of what you experienced a while back, but you don’t care, they need you, or at least you need them and for them to be upset makes you worry.

Planning to have an early night never really seems to happen, does it? You get cosy, slide into bed and check your emails before going into a dreamy state, but then someone says “Hey” and you can’t ignore it, you’ve been there before, ignoring people when they need you. It always starts with “hey”, they want to see if you’ll reply to them, give them the time. They’ve chosen you, and for you to ignore it could be the final tap, the final blow. Tug. Hit. Cry for help…could you live with that guilt?

A slow but steady conversation begins with them, you’re talking and things are going okay when you’re about to say goodnight to them until they say they’re feeling weird, or a “bit off”, or that they’re in “one of those moods” when you think about things. But you’re not thinking about random things, it’s the same little things over and over in your head repeatedly, and you recognise this. It’s a silent call, not for help, just for some guidance, someone to draw a path and to walk down it with them, and they’ve chosen you.